The Calling

I remember that calling like it was just yesterday. Dialing Napalm, on the phone and as soon as he spoke, all of my feelings overwhelmed me…I cried so hard, I couldn’t talk. So, him being in big brother mode, stayed quiet and let me cry until I could get my words out. He waited until I calmed down and then, he asked,“Trina, what’s wrong?”

I began to share what was on my heart. I told him that fear had it’s hold on me…that I had to make this move but was also terrified of the unknown. What if I fail? I’m from around the way (the hood)…all I had to know is n*ggas, fast cash and cars.

My survival skills didn’t require “Book knowledge” in the streets…Now, I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone. What if I fail? Girls, like me, don’t go to College, I f*cks with the ballers. That’s my comfort zone, we care about pulling n*ggas and going shopping.

To make this move, I would be completely outside of my lane….Do I have what it takes?

Napalm began to speak…And, just as he always did growing up, in that moment, he gave me “his strength”…so that I could embrace change…and, “do it scared.” An hour later, I, a High School drop out, boarded a plane, at JFK to attend College, at a Historically Black University in the South. I did it scared. The Calling comes in weird forms.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4XWxon0i74

That was over two decades ago. Proved to be one of the best things, ever. I did it scared.

Now, I was having a deja vu experience, just like that day, I left for College.

I was being called, but after monitoring my sons behavior closely, I had to come to terms that flexibility was required. I couldn’t be a Father to our sons. It was impossible to teach my boys what they would need to know as men. I don’t have the experience or background knowledge, so, no matter what I did…I knew, I would do it 100% wrong.

I watched their confidence begin to slip, while defiant behavior, arose in them. I text their Dad, a message about them, that I knew required, immediate action from him…around 11:30 p.m. the doorbell rings. I look out the window, see his car but our oldest never got up. Why? Because he knew, it was his Father.

I watched him go outside and instantly, I noticed the posture turn back into that of a child… because he was standing before a man. He knew, he better not approach his Father, with his chest poked out. He instinctively knew, to humble himself.

Only Men can truly mold and hold, men, accountable. I’m the youngest of 8. My father just stepping foot in the house would calm my 3 older brothers down instantly. Mama couldn’t do that alone. Just Daddy being there produced better results. Since I knew the importance of having the father around raising their children, I tweaked my plans because I knew I would need the male energy.

Mothers must realize and respect that energy and balance, the opposite sex, restores in a child. We can’t be everything to our children. Children need the energy of both genders…it takes both genders, interacting positively, with the child, to bring them in to balance. Equilibrium. I watched their interaction from an upstairs bedroom window, but it was a vivid picture, playing out. I knew then, I had to re-adjust my plans. I could not move back home to Nyc, just yet.

I still planned on moving but seeing the change in our sons, I decided to tweak the move some, for the first lap…becoming, fully self-reliant again, after a divorce (from a 20 year marriage), was stirring a silent fear within me. The unknown, once again, awaits me…What if I fail? No time for self-doubt, I’ve got to step out of my comfort zone, once again. That’s how you bring forth, change. Read the article, “Change” link here, https://triddykat.com/change

Damn, the fear was trying to take hold of me, but reflecting back on me, going away for College…I felt that same sense, of overwhelming fear. Yet, everything I wanted was waiting on me. I heard the call and I decided to do it scared. Changed my life forever. I answered the calling going in to the unknown.

Once again, the Universe is calling me. I’ve learned to answer and believe in “Self” totally, letting go of always having to know “how”…and, just “do it scared.” Read the article, “Self” link here, Self

Now, what’s calling out to “you” from the Universe? Are you bold enough to answer the call?

Take that leap of faith. Everything you want, is waiting on you but you’ve got to be bold and go for it. Release fear and embrace change. Bet on YOU for a change…even if you have to “do it scared.” I did. Wink.

Be encouraged, people! Life’s beyond Good.

* This was originally, written and created by,TRIDDY KAT® on September 18, 2017. Updated 2/1/23

Keep shining.

~Triddy Kat 💋

Youtube channel- Triddy Kat’s Meow & Triddy Kat

Visit me at https://triddykat.com and https://triddykatsmeow.com

TRIDDY KAT®